Care-frontation: balance people and principles

Over the past few months we have been discussing various approaches people take or default to when dealing with conflict; each with its benefits as well as its pitfalls.

Some styles put people ahead of principles, others put principles first at all costs, and some styles try and steer a middle course between the two, but is there a style that we can adopt that will meet both the demands of people and principles?

David Augsburger, a counsellor, argues that there is. He calls the style “care-frontation” and he describes it in this way:

“Carefronting unifies concern for relationship with concern for goals. So one can have something to stand for [goals] as well as someone to stand with [relationship] without sacrificing one for the other, or collapsing one into another. Thus, one can love powerfully and be powerfully loving. These are not contradictory. They are complementary.”

The person who is committed to care-frontation is one who has an equally high commitment to both people and principles. But does it work? We have already seen, with some frustration, that it is extremely difficult to keep these two in perspective when we are in a conflict situation. An event from the life of Jesus will help us to understand how this conflict style can work out in practice.

John tells us that a woman was brought before Jesus with the accusation that she had been caught in the act of adultery. The law demanded that she be put to death and her accusers wanted her to be stoned. But there was a more insidious plan behind this scene. The religious leaders were determined to try and trap Jesus. If Jesus said that the woman should be set free, then they would claim that Jesus was “soft” on God’s Law. If Jesus condemned her to death, then they would accuse Him of taking the Law into His own hands, for only the Romans were allowed to prescribe the death penalty. Either way, from their perspective, Jesus is trapped into a no win situation. Jesus’ response is brilliant! He looked the ugly crowd in the eye and calmly declared, “You are correct. According to the Law this woman deserves death. But the first one to throw a stone at her must also be the one who is, himself, free of sin.” One by one, each of the woman’s accusers turned away and left.

In a very real way, Jesus demonstrates Augsburger’s principle of care-frontation. By declaring that the woman be stoned, He upheld a strong commitment to the principle of God’s Law. But when He stated that only those free from sin could take part in her execution, He upheld His strong commitment to people. This was further highlighted when He said to her that He did not condemn her and that she should use her new found freedom to live for God.

How you apply this in your relationships will not be an easy task. To be a care-fronter is to be committed to learning from other people, to listen to different perspectives and to understand that disagreement is not a bad thing and it is not an opportunity for us to try and win the day. The authors, James Hinkle and Tim Woodruff put it this way:

“I’m so committed to our principles that I will not compromise them simply to arrive at some temporary peace…[and] I am so committed to you that I will not sacrifice you to simply avoid questioning or rethinking my principles.

The only solution I will accept is the one that protects both God’s people and God’s principles.”

Dealing with conflict is always a delicate business and it is important to know the way in which we normally approach conflict resolution. Above all, we must be prepared to rethink our styles and remember that both people and principles are important. May God grant us the grace to be committed to both and the wisdom to know how to apply them in our day to day lives.