When you’re not happy inside, it makes it worse to see that the person who wronged you remains light-hearted, as though they haven’t a care in the world.

You may then ask “Why did all this happen to me?” But that is the first step to self-pity.

Learning to forgive from our heart is a most important step back to normal living. Holding a grudge, nursing a hurt, doesn’t make for normal living.

Trying again
Commonly we hear, “If you knew what kind of person I’m dealing with, you would realize that a peaceful relationship is out of the question. I’ve tried before and failed.”

Whether the person changes or not may depend on you and how much you are prepared to trust him/her with another chance. If you were in the other person’s position wouldn’t you like another opportunity to start again, to rebuild? Not just after one failure but after many?

Yes, there is a risk involved. But life is full of risks and perhaps this is one you ought to take.

True, there may be some who are hard and unresponsive to any approach. Difficult as it is to do, respond with a loving attitude. Drain away all the old hostility and ill-will just like old black oil from a car sump. Letting it go will help you, and may be the vital link in breaking the hardness of the other.

Then, it is often said, “I may forgive, but I can’t forget. No way!” If we mean that we can’t rub out something from our memory by an act of the will, we are right. No, this kind of forgetting means laying it all to rest, just like burying the deceased cat in the backyard. It’s best then to leave it there.

So the clue is to begin with honesty in everything. Keep calm and try not to be superior to the wrong-doer. Don’t make unreal and impossible demands, but remember that you are two very valuable human beings — both needing to be saved from an unsatisfactory situation.

A story
At one time, a rich man called upon one of his debtors to pay up a huge amount that he owed. The debtor pleaded his inability. On the spot, the rich man forgave all the debt. Shortly afterwards, the freed debtor grasped the throat of a man who owed him only a few dollars and demanded that he pay or else. The rich man, on hearing about this, was angry and recalled the debtor to exact all he owed.

The story was told by Jesus. He also said that God won’t forgive us our huge debt if we don’t forgive others their small (by comparison) debts.

He should know. As the Savior of the world “He paid a debt He did not owe; we owed a debt we could not pay.” His death on a cross was the tremendous price paid for my debt of sin against God. I am freely, totally forgiven.

We need to reach out for that forgiveness and when we do, we will realize how necessary it is for us to forgive another human being.