In September we have a date for dads. A time to let them know they’re special. A few kisses and a little pile of masculine- looking gifts mark the morning.

All of the above is given on this day, except for the dads that are missing. I mean those who have become fathers but have then disappeared into smoke to leave the lady with the job of raising the child. Then there are others who have tired of their relationship and want out. Maybe someone brighter has appeared on the horizon, so out with the old and in with the new.

It’s so common these days. It appears that for many being “in love” is just a feeling, something like having a headache, only pleasant.

It may not last — who knows. So don’t make any long-term commitments, just hang loose.

Sad old Eros

For all who have “been there, done that,” being in love is joy that defies description. The real thing seems more heavenly than earthly. But look at the same pair, once starry-eyed, now bleary-eyed, ten, twenty, thirty, years on. Their love, which once seemed like a healthy fruit on a growing vine, is now a shrivelled-up dead thing hardly worth talking about.

Separations and divorces occur most often because couples feel that the joy of being together has gone. Living under the same roof spells boredom. There is little or no expression of affection. They annoy each other for the most trivial reasons. He is too busy to take an interest in her. As one writer put it, “He works like a horse and she nags.” When they think about each other, they think in negatives.

More talking

Though it sounds difficult, before it’s too late, a couple like this must begin talking about it to each other — constructively. If only an honest sharing of feelings and inner needs can take place, there is hope. When each knows clearly where the other person is, a choice must be made: to build up the other person, or to tear them down; to face the challenge or to run away.

OK men, what about taking some initiative here? Give her some compliments instead of insults, some appreciation instead of criticism, and sympathy instead of bitterness. This kind of soil encourages love to grow again. The old days of courting, wooing and winning can begin once more. The days of responding, admiring and accepting can return for the wife.

The choice

Yes, it is a choice. We can use our “changed feelings” as an excuse for our rejection and fail to recognise that our selfishness is the problem. Love is concerned for the welfare of another. Love that has a dimension of self-giving for the benefit of the other is like the divine love. It is unconditional, sacrificial love that Jesus showed in suffering and dying in our place.

This is the kind of love that lasts because it will not easily give in and is determined to bless. Loving and being loved is priceless. Go for it!