Post-abortion syndrome almost cost Lee her life

Rebellion came at an early age for Lee Carter and her twin sister. Their father was an alcoholic, sometimes violent and often unpredictable, so they searched for love and security in other ways.

“I turned to drugs and alcohol, and my sister found refuge in her boyfriend,” Lee confesses.

At the age of 17, Lee’s twin became pregnant, and as her parents consented to her sister’s marriage, Lee was permitted to become sexually active, as long as she used protection.

A short time later, as Lee began her nursing degree and her boyfriend Greg was in college, they had a surprise: a baby was on the way.

Unwilling to disappoint her parents or risk hampering Greg’s military prospects, they believed abortion was the only choice.

Lee still vividly remembers the day her baby was aborted.

“There was no sense of relief, only an immediate sense of remorse and regret,” she says.

“I had always had a feeling that I would die at a young age, and that day I felt like a huge part of me had died. I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life.”

Unlike many dating couples who share an abortion decision, Greg and Lee married. For years Lee tried to suppress her guilt and shame through alcohol, before finally succumbing to major depression.

“Life lost all meaning and I had no hope. During these dark days I attempted to end my own life and when I failed at that I was consumed in the darkness and lost all rational thought.

“However, as so often occurs in the darkest moments of life, I turned to God.

“I uttered a simple prayer asking Jesus Christ to rescue me and He answered when Greg’s boyhood pastor visited me and lead me into a personal faith relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, God the Son.”

Lee confessed her wrong-doing against God, including the abortion, the lies she had told, the substance abuse, and believed that Jesus had taken the death punishment she deserved for all her sin, both actions or thoughts.

The pastor also explained to Lee she was now forgiven and holy in the sight of God, and this meant the Spirit of God could now transform her heart.

Lee continues: “The moment I allowed Christ to become the Lord of my life, things started to change; my old self died and the new me in Christ was emerging.”

She says God began to remove things that were harming her relationship with Him.

“Jesus never promised that all my troubles would go away, but the first thing He did for me was to take away my desire for alcohol. I haven’t had a drink in 11 years.

“When Jesus came into my heart, it was as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I had created so many hurdles, financial woes, and relationship troubles, but God was right there with me through it all.”

Lee went to hospital for her depression, and during therapy sessions Lee and Greg began to talk about the abortion.

“Years of grief and bitterness came pouring out,” she remembers. “I felt the forgiveness of the Lord and I was able to forgive Greg and all the people associated with my abortion, but I could not forgive myself — yet.”

Two years later, Lee realised God was asking her to minster to women contemplating abortion. Feeling unable to counsel strangers when she still could not forgive herself, the breakthrough came during a post-abortion Bible study with several other women.

“My baby became real, not just a something, soulless and gone, but a real baby, whose soul now rested with my Jesus. It was both comforting and immensely sad.

“I knew that forgiving myself was possible because the Bible said that guilt was not of the Lord and when Jesus died, all my wrong-doing against God was forgiven. Unforgiveness, even of myself, negated God’s act of grace (undeserved favour).

“I did forgive myself and I cling to the hope that one day Greg and I will be re-united with our son in heaven. I have peace in knowing that our son rests in the arms of Jesus.”

Other steps to healing were still very hard for Lee.

She recalls: “To look your children in the eye and confess and ask their forgiveness for ending the life of their sibling was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Plus, asking your mother for forgiveness because you never gave her the opportunity to know her grandchild.”

In 2001, Lee began working at a pregnancy resource centre.

“Statistics tell us that 1 in 6 women in the U.S. will have had an abortion by the time they are 40,” Lee says.

Lee performing an ultrasound

“Statistics, however, do not tell us how many of these women are silently suffering the guilt and shame of their abortion.”

When this centre merged with a larger one, Lee learned she could re-activate her nursing license and be trained in limited obstetric ultrasound.

“Daily I share my abortion experience, the trauma and the healing, with clients. I am so honoured and blessed that God would count me worthy to minister to women contemplating abortion. I count it a privilege to be able to show them their baby and hear their baby’s beating heart.

“For all those hurting from their abortion experiences, Jesus offers you His love and forgiveness if you will put your trust in Him,” Lee concludes.

Lee is a nurse and serves as the Satellite Manager for five Women’s Centres operated by Elizabeth’s New Life Centre in Ohio, USA.