Paul Cowley

Love for promotion set me back, admits former British Sergeant Paul Cowley

For years Paul Cowley admits he undervalued a strong marriage and closeness with his children, as he thought promotion and higher pay in the British Army was the recipe for success.

“As an instructor in mountain climbing, skiing, canoeing and white water rafting,” Paul begins, “my career ultimately took me all over the place — Canada, Germany, Gibraltar — adventures abounded.

“However, I threw myself into my work, ruthlessly pursued promotions and allowed important relationships to deteriorate.”

Marrying his girlfriend so they could live in couple’s quarters at his first posting in Germany, Paul became a Sergeant within five years, half the usual time in the British Artillery. However, after he and his wife returned to England for another promotion, they divorced, and their three-year-old son Clinton stayed with his mother.

Over the next several years, during which he had another short marriage, Paul saw his son Clinton only a few days per year.

“It was great every time I saw Clinton, but when I left, he would break down and cry,” Paul recalls. “He wanted to be with me, but I couldn’t cope with that.”

After moving to a new posting in Cyprus, Paul met an English art student named Amanda and they soon returned to England together.

The next big change came when his mother discovered she had cancer and then lived with Paul and Amanda for a few months before she died.

Feeling very upset about the short time he had with his mother, Paul found a Bible among her possessions and decided to call a telephone number written inside. Meeting with an old Christian lady, he was shocked to hear that his mother had become a Christian two years before her death.

“That blew my socks off,” Paul recalls. “I had known mum as a hard woman and quite volatile.”

After his mother’s funeral, Paul didn’t see his father again for six years because of an inheritance disagreement, and his son later stopped visiting or keeping in touch.

Then one day an old Sergeant Major friend sent Paul a postcard, which simply said: “Hi, this is Eric, I have become a Christian and I’m praying for you.”

Thinking this was surely a joke, Paul went to visit Eric and they talked for three days about his new life and faith.

Seeing the dramatic change in his formerly unkind friend, Paul says he felt compelled to find a church that would help him to have a true relationship with God.

After eight months of searching, Paul and Amanda found a church where the preacher simply prayed for them that God would plant them in a church that would develop their relationship with Him.

Impressed by the simplicity of this prayer, they began attending an introductory course on Christianity called Alpha at this church.

As they did another course, Paul remembers that he wanted to put what he was learning into his heart.

“I read that Jesus said, ‘You have to come to me as a child’ (Matthew chapter 18Matthew chapter 18) and I knew how Clinton had always trusted me. So I decided to come to the Lord Jesus Christ like that, giving Him my heart and committing myself to Him. A little later Amanda made the same commitment.

“As soon as I allowed God to ‘get me’, my whole concept of life was completely changed and I wanted to follow God’s ways.”

The first new desire was to marry Amanda, but there were many prayers and conversations before she overcame her “marriage-phobia” from her parents’ divorce.

The next challenge for Paul was reconciling with his father and son, so he and Amanda, along with other friends at his church, began to pray. For years, he had sent them letters, but had never received a response.

About this time, Clinton was privately in great turmoil. Involved in the rave scene, he used drugs heavily, and was often away from home for days. As a last resort, his mother kicked him out of the house, so he immediately went to a party. After taking a heavy dose of drugs, he became filled with thoughts of suicide.

Afraid of death, Clinton cried out to God: “If there is anybody out there, then you had better come and help me.”

The next morning he went home to his mother, who told him, “You need to speak to your father, because you are just like he was.”

Clinton began living with his dad again, attended church, and then went along to the Alpha course. Eventually, he humbly committed his life to Jesus Christ as well.

“His life started to change,” Paul says. “He started to pray for things, and stopped smoking and using drugs.”

A little later, Paul’s father visited and had a tearful reunion with his grandson he had not seen for ten years.

“It is amazing to see how God has reunited me with my son and my dad,” Paul concludes. “Only the power of Jesus could do such a thing.”

Paul is now a full-time church worker and staff worker for Alpha International, and director of The William Wilberforce trust, based in England, which provides practical support for those in vulnerable positions.