Heath mistakenly thought an early exit was the only option
In 2008, Heath Pithouse felt so hopeless and rejected by those closest to him
that he attempted suicide, but now Heath says he has “more joy and
life” than ever before, because he knows who is in control of
Shy and very introverted from a young age, Heath says he used to struggle to
“have any really close relationships”, and low self-esteem caused
him to even dread talking on a phone for fear he would appear an idiot.
Nevertheless, Heath recalls he kept fairly happy through balancing time
between family, work, watching TV and movies, and his favorite hobby, hunting
down new movies and TV shows on file sharing websites.
Then, in 2004, Heath discovered an old file in his media collection, an audio
message called “Hell’s Best Kept Secret”, which showed him
things were only superficially okay.
He remembers the message went like this: “It’s appointed for a man
to die once and then face God’s final judgment. God warns that His
justice will be so thorough, He will even judge your thoughts. Even every idle
word a man speaks, he’ll be made to give an account of it on the day of
“As Jesus said in Matthew 5, if you’ve lusted, you’ve
committed adultery, if you’ve hated someone, you’ve committed
murder. And God warns that His justice will be thorough: all unrepentant
sinners will be cast into the lake of eternal fire.
“To be saved, flee to the Lord Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on your
behalf for cleansing. Cry out, ‘God, be merciful to me a
Heath continues: “As I listened, God convicted me about the things I had
stolen from the internet. I realized I was a thief. I humbled myself before
God and confessed my sins.
“When I got home, I threw hundreds of pirated CDs and DVDs in the bin.
For the first time I understood that I was a law-breaker who was hopelessly
lost without Jesus dying in my place.”
However, just a few years later, Heath began to struggle with depression,
because, he admits, “I didn’t trust God enough to believe He would
keep His promises, other than salvation from hell.”
“I constantly tried to get people to like me, and my life and my
relationships were not going the way that I wanted them to go.
“Eventually, I felt so rejected by those closest to me that I wanted
out. In March 2008, I tried to kill myself, which lead to me being admitted to
a mental care institute for three weeks.
“I had no idea how much hurt this would cause to the people
I cared about, and at the time I didn’t
care. For nearly a year, I was so horrible to those I loved most to the point
that they didn’t want to talk to me any more and I don’t blame
It seemed to Heath that everyone had given up on Him, but Heath says God did
not, as a Christian friend named Phil visited him in hospital and gave him a
series of life-changing audio messages called “Quieting a noisy
“God got me out of my depression, by simply enabling me to know Him
better,” Heath recalls.
“The teaching series showed me just what God had done and is doing for
me. I started to know God’s character: His love, power and wisdom. And
when I say ‘know’, I am not talking about some intellectual assent
to their existence, I am talking about deep intimate heart knowledge.”
As He listened and read the Bible, Heath stopped focusing on himself —
choosing instead to trust in God’s goodness, kindness and, most of all,
His sovereignty. Eventually, God convicted Heath that he needed to believe and
obey Jesus as King of His life to be set free by His truth (see
John 8, verses 31-32).
“I came to the realization that building self-esteem does not
work,” Heath explains, “but through Christ’s sacrifice on
the cross on my behalf I was not only forgiven, but in God’s eyes I was
made holy and acceptable to Him.
“I became sure that God was working in my situation to the best end. Not
only that, “We know that for those who love God all things work together
for good, for those who are called according to His purpose”
(Romans 8, verse 28).
He continues: “God did a mighty work in me — to change me from a
32 year old boy, who struggled to even talk on the phone, to a 34 year old man
who will now stand boldly on a street corner and proclaim the good news of
Jesus to anyone who will listen and not care if people think he’s a
“No matter how hard things seem at the time, God is in control. He has
the wisdom to do things right, the power to do it, and the love to do what is
best for His children.
“I pray now that God will restore
those relationships I destroyed along the way,” Heath concludes.