Heath Pithouse

Heath mistakenly thought an early exit was the only option

In 2008, Heath Pithouse felt so hopeless and rejected by those closest to him that he attempted suicide, but now Heath says he has “more joy and life” than ever before, because he knows who is in control of everything.

Shy and very introverted from a young age, Heath says he used to struggle to “have any really close relationships”, and low self-esteem caused him to even dread talking on a phone for fear he would appear an idiot.

Nevertheless, Heath recalls he kept fairly happy through balancing time between family, work, watching TV and movies, and his favorite hobby, hunting down new movies and TV shows on file sharing websites.

Then, in 2004, Heath discovered an old file in his media collection, an audio message called “Hell’s Best Kept Secret”, which showed him things were only superficially okay.

He remembers the message went like this: “It’s appointed for a man to die once and then face God’s final judgment. God warns that His justice will be so thorough, He will even judge your thoughts. Even every idle word a man speaks, he’ll be made to give an account of it on the day of judgment.

“As Jesus said in Matthew 5Matthew 5, if you’ve lusted, you’ve committed adultery, if you’ve hated someone, you’ve committed murder. And God warns that His justice will be thorough: all unrepentant sinners will be cast into the lake of eternal fire.

“To be saved, flee to the Lord Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on your behalf for cleansing. Cry out, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’”

Heath continues: “As I listened, God convicted me about the things I had stolen from the internet. I realized I was a thief. I humbled myself before God and confessed my sins.

“When I got home, I threw hundreds of pirated CDs and DVDs in the bin. For the first time I understood that I was a law-breaker who was hopelessly lost without Jesus dying in my place.”

However, just a few years later, Heath began to struggle with depression, because, he admits, “I didn’t trust God enough to believe He would keep His promises, other than salvation from hell.”

“I constantly tried to get people to like me, and my life and my relationships were not going the way that I wanted them to go.

“Eventually, I felt so rejected by those closest to me that I wanted out. In March 2008, I tried to kill myself, which lead to me being admitted to a mental care institute for three weeks.

“I had no idea how much hurt this would cause to the people I cared about, and at the time I didn’t care. For nearly a year, I was so horrible to those I loved most to the point that they didn’t want to talk to me any more and I don’t blame them.”

It seemed to Heath that everyone had given up on Him, but Heath says God did not, as a Christian friend named Phil visited him in hospital and gave him a series of life-changing audio messages called “Quieting a noisy soul”.

“God got me out of my depression, by simply enabling me to know Him better,” Heath recalls.

“The teaching series showed me just what God had done and is doing for me. I started to know God’s character: His love, power and wisdom. And when I say ‘know’, I am not talking about some intellectual assent to their existence, I am talking about deep intimate heart knowledge.”

As He listened and read the Bible, Heath stopped focusing on himself — choosing instead to trust in God’s goodness, kindness and, most of all, His sovereignty. Eventually, God convicted Heath that he needed to believe and obey Jesus as King of His life to be set free by His truth (see John 8, verses 31-32John 8, verses 31-32).

“I came to the realization that building self-esteem does not work,” Heath explains, “but through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross on my behalf I was not only forgiven, but in God’s eyes I was made holy and acceptable to Him.

“I became sure that God was working in my situation to the best end. Not only that, “We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8, verse 28Romans 8, verse 28).

He continues: “God did a mighty work in me — to change me from a 32 year old boy, who struggled to even talk on the phone, to a 34 year old man who will now stand boldly on a street corner and proclaim the good news of Jesus to anyone who will listen and not care if people think he’s a fool.

“No matter how hard things seem at the time, God is in control. He has the wisdom to do things right, the power to do it, and the love to do what is best for His children.

“I pray now that God will restore those relationships I destroyed along the way,” Heath concludes.